Catastrophe...or as Grandpa Don used to say "CatsAssTrophe"

This is the story of my life as of the past 50 days as a cat owner.

On March 7th I took a quick glance at petfinder as I so often did (note the past tense "did"). I would pick out dogs and cats that caught my heart, show them to others and then carry on with my day. Until this adorable light orange blue eyed cat caught my attention.

Let me start by saying - I'm not a cat person. I'm a dog lover. Everyone who knows me knows that Budha is the core of my life. I loved Ziggy and Woogy, and they are certainly missed, but still...a dog person. When Budha was depressed when Tom and the cats moved I contemplated getting a cat for her (so she wouldn't be alone as much). The idea was there, but never the plan.

Okay back to the adorable light orange blue eyed cat who caught my attention. I show him to my friend, Jamie. She comes over and says "Angus? That's a stupid name, what would you name him?" I stared at the picture and then responded with a smile "Yogi".

Crap. I named it.

The next thing I knew I was at the animal shelter, looking at his little face. He was so happy he was drooling, I opened the cage, and walked right out into my arms. I said "Yogi, would you like to come home with me?" The next day (March 9th) I brought Budha to the shelter to meet Yogi, and make sure the cat was okay with her. We sat in the little room, put Yogi down, and he instantly ran over to Budha and gave her a big headbutt kiss.

The first night, he got into the ceiling tiles in the basement. He was a filthy mess when he got down. I realized he had gotten up there through a cupboard door I keep open in the winter (to circulate warm air to the pipes). I closed the door. No more dirty kitty.

Everything was wonderful! There was a week or two adjustment where Budha and Yogi had to learn how to go down the stairs in the morning without feeling threatened by each other, but they learned. Everything was wonderful for a solid month.

I failed to mention that when I got Yogi from the shelter, they informed me that he was on dewormer, and gave me one more dose to give him.

Yogi has been such a joy to have around. He is the BEST snuggler, and my favorite thing...when I put my arms out to pick him up, he reaches up to me with his front legs like a child wanting to go "uppy". It's adorable.

The second week in April I realized that, gross, he still had worms. I was so disgusted I raced him to the vet. They gave him one final dose (even after the one I gave him) of the yellow stuff for roundworm, and then an injection for tapeworm. They said he was in perfect health otherwise. That was a Friday. Friday, April 8th.

That Sunday, April 10th, I was in my bedroom getting ready to go to the gym. Yogi and Budha (whom I sometimes call Yoga and Booty :) ) came in. Yogi went under my bed, and suddenly it sounded like a full blown catfight! I waited until it sounded safe, and looked under my bed. There he was laying there stressed out, not purring, pupils huge. I took him out of there, and I checked him over and saw nothing wrong. I assumed maybe a bug bit him, or perhaps he pinched his tail or fur or something in the bed frame. Within the next 5 minutes I watched him run from his tail and I thought "What are you doing, Freak?" I picked him up, looked him over again - nothing out of the ordinary. Then I watched him run around under the dining room table, as if he was trying to shake something off of him - like he had a mousetrap on his tail or something. Then...he completely attacked his own tail, howling, growling, hissing aggressively. When he stopped, I noticed his tail looked wet. I followed him downstairs and saw that his tail was bloody. :(

It broke my heart - I had just seen my poor cat do this to himself. We snuggled that day, by night he was cleaning up his tail, and while still bothered, he seemed to get better over the next few days (tail still injured...but not attacking it anymore).

Sigh.

The last several weeks Yogi has been sleeping in the basement at night during the week, otherwise he wakes me up repeatedly between 3-4 am while he's being mischevious. On weekends he is allowed to sleep upstairs again, when there are more hours and not so early wake up times.

Within the last few days, I've watched him hiss at his tail a few times, and it's been stressing me out because I don't know why he's doing it. I honestly thought he had gotten battery acid on it after the first attack. Apparently that was not the case. Last Sunday morning I came downstairs, looked at Yogi and said "why are your feet dirty?" I went downstairs and sure enough, he had gotten that cupboard door open and had been wandering in the ceiling tiles again. Gross. Monday morning I came downstairs and HEARD him in the ceiling tiles. I went downstairs...the cupboard door was closed. Then I heard him above the basement shower, I called for him and he squeezed his body into the thin feret-like lanky shape, and slithered between a ceiling tile and the basement window. He is a crafty, agile little sucker.

Yesterday, Wednesday, his tail was really bothering him. I would like to think that he's just being stupid - but something is truly bothering him, his tail twitches, he gets low to the ground, runs away, ears are back - he just looks miserable (oh yeah - it's not fleas either).

This morning my roommate went in the basement to get his laundry, and then Yogi came up to my room. He walked in and there it was, a bloody mess of a tail. :( I did not take a picture this time, and be glad I didn't. I really really did a number on it. I went to work, called the vet - even they think this is strange but we all thought it was probably anxiety and I told them I had been researching Feliway (which is generally used for cats spraying in the house, but had read reviews about it helping "self aggression". I spend $40 on it....doesn't work. :( Not for this anyway. Talked to the vet again and made an appointment for Monday at 3:00. They said it's possible he has a swollen oil gland, or maybe he's having an allergic reaction, so it may be a while STILL before getting to the root of this. :( I spent most of the day keeping him wrapped in a blanket so he'd ignore the tail.

Well this blog certainly is getting long. I've been researching as much as I can about this. Then I decided to look by breed. Before anyone gets excited, I still don't have an answer. Yogi is a Flame point Siamese/Domestic mix. I looked at Siamese cats and found that they are prone to food allergies. I DID change Yogi's food...but after the first attack, I changed it again...I would hate to put him back on Science Diet and pay for it - OY! - but it may be worth it.

I also found that Siamese cats will follow you everywhere, always want to be the center of attention, love food, love to snuggle as often as possible, and will answer you when you talk to them. It was neat to read that because even though Yogi is a mix, it fits him to a T. "fits him to a T" - what does that mean? Anyway, he does - every room I enter, there he is. When I leave the bathroom - he's right there by the door. That made me wonder if the nighttime basement routine was stressing him out. The first attack, however, happened after a night where he was in my room. He always wants to eat, is all over me ALL the time, and when I talk to him he does look at me and always answers. :)

As far as this household is concerned, he is the greatest addition. Budha loves him, and he loves everyone. But this tail thing has to stop. He hurts himself so badly, he's in severe distress about it, it makes me sad, and I feel so helpless. Today for a moment I thought "I might have to give him up if I can't help him". But then what? He'd be worse being "left". Plus - what if the new people can't help him either, then what? So that is not an option.

Anyway, this blog was to share a little of "Yogi" and the joy he's brought...and the sadness that is felt by not being able to cure him yet. Here's hoping for less eyeliner/mascara teary smudged eyes and more snuggles for happy reasons.

Do Good, Feel Good

Today...I am busy, lazy, good, bad, and rollin with it.

Last week was very busy for me, and this week will be busier. Yesterday it looked like a craft fair and a restaurant duked it out and then puked all over my dining room and kitchen. I think I got in bed last night just in time for my muscles to completely give out on me. Today, I have a lot of laundry to do, a bedromm to clean (not happening), the living room, dining room, and kitchen to clean. At least those rooms are done.

I've been doing so well on my 100 day challenge, and now this weekend I've really gone downhill. I'm not sure why - I honestly think I've exhausted myself to the point of not trying. BUT...I did still go to the gym though I didn't work as hard. Tomorrow I will be right back to working as hard as I was on day one! I'm looking forward to that.

JoEllen said to me one day "It's weird how when you do what you're supposed to be doing, things work out". It seemed obvious at the time, but really...it is weird. I've been reflecting on this a lot.

When you're doing something you're not supposed to do (not necessarily bad, but not in your favor), it seems as though every outside event becomes a consequence. You decide to splurge on something expensive that you know you shouldn't...and then a major expense is needed, you sluff off at work, and then get a giant project putting you more behind, you eat badly, and suddenly realize you can't afford new cloths (ahem okay that one was personal), you sit down to dink around on the computer and watch the Wild game instead of finishing the laundry, and the Red Wings score their third goal (okay that was personal too...).

Lately, I've been good...and good things are happening. I haven't been spending, haven't been eating bad, haven't really been drinking, haven't been staying up late, I've been putting more into my work, I've been helping out others, I've been HAPPY. And...suddenly I spot a cat on the internet, and now he's sleeping by me, I have good things going on at work, while the tunnel is still long for getting "comfortable" financially...I can at least see it, things are just kind of falling into place. I'll accept that. And aside from good new things, maybe this is due to the change of seasons, but I'm in appreciation of all the little things.
1. Old friends
2. New friends
3. Things that kids say.
4. Budha's sneezes.
5. My heatlth
6. Friends' and Familys' health.
7. Yogi's snuggles
8. Freedom to play sports, have dinners, and other after work activities
9. Marcus willing to go to the gym with me early in the morning. :)
10. Learning how to balance stresses, and pushing through the tough times.

So it's 6:00 and I'd like to start watching the Simpson's in 1 hour which means if I want to continue my lazy Sunday in 1 hour, I better go spend the next hour actually doing something. Booo.

Sucked into iCarly, 54 minutes to be productive. Here's to a more disciplined week ahead. :)

"The time to hesitate is through" - Jim Morrison

In January I said "2011 is going to be my year. I will own it." I'll be honest, I didn't know what that meant at the time, but I knew that I meant it. At the time, I knew I was going to start a side business, and that I would use that extra income to feel more comfortable in my life. That's all I knew. And you know....2011 started very rocky. January and February did their best to knock me out...but...I dealt with it. What else was I supposed to do?

So - through all the struggles of the first two months, I knew there was something bigger going on (unintended pun will be clear soon). I felt unhappy - I didn't want to do much, and the more I didn't want to do much - the unhappier I felt. For anyone who knows me, you'll understand that I am not an unhappy person. I was tired every afternoon, and at first I was just chalking it up to my job, or maybe my living situation, or money issues.... then on February 27th, I decided that I really wanted to take "ANOTHER" stab at getting healthy. I figured I would take it slow and set a generous timeline. I said that I would start a 1oo day/30 lb challenge starting the next day, February 28th. So I did. And within a week only...I felt like everything changed. I felt better....not just healthier, but overall better. I have energy every day - all day. I feel better at work, I can think clearer, I have more energy after work, I have a better attitude. The best part is, it hasn't really been that hard. Each morning I get up at 5:50 and go to the gym. When I get bored w/ my workout, or when I realize it's not as hard as it was when I started, I switch it up a bit. Other than that - I'm just eating healthy - actually very healthy. Egg whites consume most of my day, but with the right spices, they are very good. It's been 28 days, and I'm down 20 lbs. I've never lost more than 16 at a time, so I feel pretty good and I'm inspired to keep it going.

Today was the first day that I felt....mmm.....not as alive and zippy as I have been since I started. For the first time, I didn't eat as healthy - not bad - just not good - and I feel like I just don't have the energy. I did go to the gym this morning, and other than that....pretty much nothing. It's made me feel bad, but...maybe my body is just saying I need to give it a rest. So while I feel kind of blah - I'm just going to accept it, and start a new day tomorrow to continue the last 10 pounds. :) Well...the last for this challenge, then on to the next 100 day/30 lb challenge.

Onto other news, the Tastefully Simple business is going well. I'm not looking for a full time gig, but...just enough to - feel better. So far so good. I have my first expo event this Saturday at the Heritage Center for the Docs vs. Jocks event to support the SMDC Foundation. I'm a little nervous, but more excited.

Roommates....I miss Tom. We still keep in touch though, and can't wait until I get the chance to visit. JoEllen moved - well basically yesterday. :( But she will be visiting often, and that will be nice, and Budha will certainly love it. :)

Yogi. Yogi Blue moved in about 3 weeks ago. He's a very good kitty, though he gets a little wild at night sometimes. He and Budha are doing pretty well. We haven't had any spats in about a week. so I think they are pretty used to each other now. So things are going well. A new roommate moved in today, and I think he'll work out just fine. He's already taken a liking to the pets, which makes me feel better about someone being around them when I'm not. Swimming starts next week, and in about 5 weeks volleyball starts. I think I've got a good grip on this year, and if so....I hope to keep that same grip on the rest of my life. :) I should make a little extra w/ the business, save a little more without going to lunch, and drinking less. I feel better, I'm happy with the new cat, I'm happy that my clothes can start feeling better, maybe 29 isn't such a bad age. Now, my beautiful dog is staring at me...I'm getting sleepy, but am looking forward to the week ahead...and I feel ready. Just in general....I feel ready.

To the remainder of 2011, bring it.

"All You Need is Love"

I want to explain something. Maybe I’m explaining it to myself. For most of my life, my family consisted of my mother’s side, and my adoptive father’s side. While I knew of my biological father’s side…I only met them briefly when I was 18. 18 is too young to understand life and love. At the time, I was grateful to have met the people I did, but I wasn’t old enough to appreciate the details.

Throughout my life, I’ve watched a lot of people leave this earth; I almost left myself once with collapsed lungs. I’ve had a lot of struggles but nothing compared to January 3rd, 2007. That was the day when the man I loved most, didn’t wake up. Nothing seemed real. Nothing slowed down. This was different from any other hurt I had felt, deeper than any sadness. I didn’t know how to survive it…but…I did.

I’ve learned something from it. I’ve learned that I don’t care who you are, I don’t wish that agony on you – on anyone. I try to dedicate my time to help people through grief. That’s what got me through it. Just having people to talk to, having people around…is a comfort. But having people around who have been through it, though it can be painful, it also provides a hope. Seeing that life can be good again – is a promise worth fighting for.

I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore. My life is what it is. It consists of a lot of struggles, and I don’t know why. But…it is what it is, and what is important is that I make the most of it. And I enjoy it.

A few years ago, I received a call from my biological grandma. She’s always been such a sweet woman. I don’t know how she found me, but somehow she did. That summer, I booked a flight out there to see her. She was so welcoming, and while I was a little nervous, she was just…your sweet little grandma, making breakfast and looking at me just happy to see me. I made it a point to visit her again the next summer. That time….I left there with a heavy feeling in my heart. She has had such a journey in life. Every item in her lovely home has a story. Every picture, a feeling. At the time she was 85….and her memory is better than mine has ever been. I remember how grateful I felt to be a part of her life again, and how sad I felt that it took this long. I felt like I had missed out on so much…

In 2010, several circumstances prevented me from being able to visit that summer. My grandma said in her tone that made it impossible to say no to “it sure would be nice if you could come for Christmas and I wouldn’t be all alone”. Come on….how do you say no to that!?!?

So why not? In October, she informed me that that her son Jim (my uncle) and his wife Peggy had moved out there to spend the winter with her. She told me that their kids (Jimmy and Jamie) would also be there for Christmas. I have not seen Jimmy since I was 2 years old. I met Jamie once when I was 18. I love people, and I’m not shy. I was nervous though, barging in on an already existing family….how awkward.

Then….the day came when I got to Utah. Jimmy’s girlfriend, Dyanne whom I’ve never met picked me up at the airport. No nerves. We talked the entire way back – separated by a surfboard between us so we couldn’t even really see each other. I got there, and my Uncle Jim came out to greet me, next I saw Jimmy and we gave a hello hug. When I walked in, I saw the joy of my grandma’s smile, the glow in my aunt Peggy’s face….and there was Jamie, all grown up into a gorgeous woman. After our hellos they banished me to the laundry room to wrap presents, and when I came out – there it was….a family I had never known, no fears, no awkward moment, it was like I had been there all along. I keep looking at the pictures over Christmas, and thinking and remembering what a wonderful time I had. I didn’t want it to end.

The family I grew up with, I love dearly. They raised me to be the strong, independent person that I am today. I often wonder how things would have been if things had turned out differently…what if I had grown up with the California family….well….one thing is for certain I would have been loved just the same. So while some people look at my family situation and feel sorry (I myself used to) – I feel blessed.

One day while during that Christmas vacation, I started to feel kind of sad wondering about my biological dad. I didn’t know much about his life, and I felt sad that I was there with the family – with his family – and he was not there. I know that years ago he made a choice that was hard for people to understand (myself included). I pulled Uncle Jim aside and I asked him if he had been invited for Christmas, and if he thought he was happy. He told me about how there was an adjustment period at first for everyone, but the family is very accepting of everyone, and that the love never changed or ceased to exist. He said that he and Peggy do not judge anyone, and that is most definitely true. This Christmas was for my grandma and the grandkids, he said. He and Peggy just happened to be there.

The presents Jim wrapped were amazing. He used white tissue paper, and then with some thistles and weeds he found in the yard, he died them in food coloring and attached them to the presents – it was truly beautiful. He even wrapped a present for Jimmy in wire. Jimmy is so stubborn. He wouldn’t use the tins nips (who would have though one would need tin snips to get a Christmas present open), but sure as shit – he got it open. My aunt Peggy made a delicious and BEAUTIFUL pumpkin cheesecake for my birthday.

The night before I left, Uncle Jim brought down his guitar and told a beautiful story of a friend of his, and how he wrote a song in ten minutes after seeing a movie that reminded him of his friend. I took a video of the story and the song. Then Jamie and her father sang/played “Let it Be” together. It was so sweet. I had earlier mentioned how much I liked Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” (though I especially liked the Peter, Paul, and Mary version), a moment later…there he was singing it and playing guitar. I immediately sent a text message to my best friend knowing she’d understand how cool that was. Jimmy and his dad played guitar together and while Jim plays mellow, Jimmy plays harder. Uncle Jim said “I don’t know how to jam”. Maybe you had to be there – but it was great watching them. Grandma just loved the music.

Again, my heart was heavy was I left. What wonderful people. I wish I had more time with them.

On Saturday, I got the call that Jim had died. My grandma could barely spit the words out. I hung up, and sat there processing how this could have happened. I thought of Peggy, of Jimmy, of Jamie, of my grandma losing her son…I felt helpless. I still do. No one saw this coming. I looked on his facebook page, and on his blog http://earthhomegarden.blogspot.com. This man touched the lives of so many people – several whom he’d never even met. He had so many people in his life physically and virtually who believe in the same things he and Peggy do, he spoke for those who couldn’t speak, and he spoke for the earth. I’ve known a lot people, and I’ve seen a lot of loss. I’ve never seen anyone (even for just the brief time I got to “know” him) who could impact each person he met.

Every day since I heard, my heart has hurt and I wish I would have gone to the memorial yesterday. I went to sleep last night thinking of the family, I woke up this morning thinking of the family. Took the day off today. This morning I wondered “why this affecting me as much as it is – I barely met them”. It’s not a matter of how little time you spend with someone, it’s about the impact they leave in your heart. I can only imagine the impact left with those who knew him deeply. My heart pours out to all who knew and loved Jim. His life was a gift to many. In return, many will carry on his legacy. His wife, children, many brothers and sisters, will all mourn his loss, and feel that empty space. But in time, that space will be filled with the memories and love that he left them with.

I read a post that his daughter wrote to him and it had such a beautiful line “You could say one word and have a lifetime of passion behind it”. You can’t teach that. A man of compassion, you will be terribly missed, Uncle Jim, but more importantly, you were loved….as you loved.

Vacation Post #3

Okay so I've actually been back from vacation for a week now...but I'm a little behind. I think the last thing I wrote about was how grammy and I practically had to wash dishes at the casino where we lost all our money. :) But....you know....it was fun. The next day I hit the road back east. I stopped at the most disgusting place ever. I wish I could remember the name of the town in Wyoming....population was like five hundred something. I thought "this is it...this is going to be the time...that I, Sabrina Frehse, pees my pants in the car!" I finally see the exit in the middle of nowhere during heavy construction. I finally desperately weave my way through a ripped up exit to a gas station...get out...and it's freaking closed. I turned around and luckily across the street there was another gas station (the ONLY 2 buildings in sight!!!!!!) I go back over to the other place, I get out and I think "is this a cop car?" No. It was 3 S.W.A.T. vehicles. Any other time - I would have left...but my bladder wasn't allowing that. So I go in and it was freaky because there was no one in the store but the 2 cashiers who looked totally freaked out when I came in. I looked around and didn't see any police....didn't see anyone at all! So I get to the bathroom and there are 2 stalls. One of them was open and one was closed but I heard 2 people talking. So I run to the open one and there is this woman going to the bathroom - while gagging and dry heaving toward the floor...with the door wide open!!!!!! Then she says to the person next to her "I swear I'm pregnant...everything makes me gag". So they come out - and at this point....I don't like public bathrooms much anyone and this almost made me sick myself! They come out and the gagger looks like scarred face methhead tramp - seriously. I mean like short jean shorts with SUSPENDERS....really???? And this pink tube top and it looked like she hadn't showered in 2 weeks. Long story short....there's not too much exciting - no idea where the S.W.A.T. people were - but it was just gross and that was a desperate pit stop.

Oh let's see....what else...I'll tell you what needs to be done. The information signs that tell you which exit to get off for gas.....ummm....they need to have a sun on them if they are only open during the day or a moon on them to let people know they are open at night. Anyway I stopped in Grand Island, NE that night - and it was a very interesting evening. Was very tired, hotels were booked all over so I was stuck paying double (labor day weekend) for a nice room, credit card company blocked my card for suspicious activity (which was all cleared the next morning), and the light was shining in the window such a way that it was keeping me awake. The good thing about that night was a nice long telephone conversation that put me at ease.

The next morning in a total of 50 minutes, I packed up, checked out, fixed my credit card issue, got gas, stopped at a Sonic and was back on the road. On the way to Julia's!!!!

On my way out West, I reflected on a lot to do with my work, and was completely relieved by the time I got...well....whereever I was going. This time...I thought about location. I realized that I really am happy where I am. Some of you may remember last winter...when I was thinking about just packing up and moving. I wasn't sure how to do it....hard to do with a career and a house. But...I was just running. I remember writing a poem one time years ago and in it I wrote "it's easy to blame a city". But we need to look at ourselves. My confidence was hurting a lot last winter...and felt like I needed a fresh start where no one knew me. But now...I realize - nothing was that bad. I let a couple bumps in the road turn into craters because I wanted everything to happen RIGHT NOW. I really do think that mid life crisises are happening earlier and earlier these days. So...my drive back eastward, made me appreciate the scenery, made me think about patience can bring good things your way, and how sometimes we just need to be taken out of our routine for a while....in order to appreciate it. That was huge. Does that mean I was ready to come back and go right back to work and laundry and mowing the lawn....no....but I knew that it would be "home".

So I got to Julia's that night around 7! Made excellent time and didn't even speed! I had a great time seeing her and Dave and Hailey. They always make me feel like I'm at home there and Dave is a hell of a cook. We spent one day at the lake and it was a beautiful day out. I tell ya - every day was just perfect - during my whole vacation. Couldn't have asked for better weather. And couldn't have asked for a better way to end my travels than with with my BFF!!!!! If I can take another trip next year....it may just be out east. :)

And then....a few days later...I returned. I will never leave my dog for that long again - that part did break my heart. But after a little while of disbelief that I was back, she followed me everywhere. And I have the greatest roommates ever for taking such good care of her while I was gone. Even more to be thankful for.

And now....a follow up....

Something I've learned since I got back. I need to take some time for myself every now and then. I learned a lot on my vacation, but....I didn't learn everything. There's always going to be stress. My vacation came at the completely wrong time in some respects. But I have no regret in taking it. Certain things have transpired since I got back...that didn't turn out in my favor. Unfortunately I have no control of this situation. Fortunately I can learn from it. Point is: hindsight is such a bitch. But it is something that we will never escape. It's always going to find us and say "I told you not to do that". My problem is that in a lot of situations I get stuck with the "then why did I?" response. And I think and I think and I think about it. Always looking for some deep meaning. When really I need to accept it....and starting thinking "where do I go now?" And I may not have an answer right away, and maybe that's just fine. Because if there is anything I learned.....and I already said it...."patience can bring good things". So....I'm learning from mistakes now - as I will for the rest of my life....but as long as I can take some time here and there for myself, and know what I want....I'll do okay. And I think that's what I needed - I needed to know that I'm still as strong as I always have been....and that I don't need to run away from things, I just need to learn how to take a little break now and again. Real breaks.

Vacation Post 2

Well....after my last post, I spent a wonderful evening in Denver with my aunt. We talked about a lot of things. We talked about family, death, dreams, a whole bunch of things. I wish I could have stayed in Denver for one more day. The next day - I think it was Tuesday when I left and made my way to Utah. I drove up through Cheyenne, WY and and took I-80 there. I am not a fan of driving through Wyoming. Lots of miles between stops and some freaky stops at that. However I did stop at the Lincoln Monument near Larmie. It was really cool to see. It's the highest point from east to west. I saw many signs with the Continental Divide Altitude...I can't remember the highest that I saw there though....7460 or something.

After quite a few annoying detours that day, I made it to Grammy's about an hour north of Salt Lake. I was pretty tired that evening. On Wednesday my grandma and I looked through a lot of old pictures and she kind of filled me on that side of the family (I really don't know anyone on that side of the family), it was nice. We stopped in Brigham City and had lunch a nice little Mexican place with grandma, and her sister Mary. On Thursday grandma and I went up through Idaho and made way to Nevada to do some gambling. It was the worst gambling I'm ever done. Don't ask me about it. :) Regardless it was fun. I got a good laugh out of my poor little grandma's worries. In about 4 hours - I had 1 drink and 2 beers. We got back to the hotel room and I said I was going to take a dip in the pool. She responded with "Oh honey you can't go swimming, you'll drown!" :) I went swimming. It was awesome. Didn't drown. It was a nice trip to and from Nevada with her. We got back on Friday. Friday afternoon, we spent looking through family history. This may not sound like vacation to some, but...considering I don't know much about that side...it was very nice to learn a lot of this stuff, and wouldn't mind learning some more.

Saturday morning I hit the road again, this time to come back the other direction toward Milwaukee. I made it pretty far that day - got to Grand Island, NE. And that's where I'll stop this post for now and will continue...when I return home. :)

Vacation Post 1

Months ago, I was feeling pretty stressed out. I was not myself...my job was upsetting me, my house was upsetting me, my life was upsetting me....I just wasn't happy. I've always been a very cheerful fun-loving person. But something happened and I just needed a change. I talked about getting a new job. I talked about selling my house. I talked about packing up and moving to Vermont for Christ's sake. What's in Vermont? I don't know...but it had to offer some sort of peace. Then I thought...maybe I just need a vacation... I had not had a true vacation in years. I haven't taken more than 3 consecutive days off of work in a very long time. And when I do take time off....I rush and rush. So this time I made it different. I saved up some vacation time and took 2 weeks at once. To do what? Just check out. Take a road trip by my lonesome, stop and visit some people....and just clear my head.

It's Monday now...technically my first day off of work. And I already feel a huge improvement. Friday night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking "Why am I doing this...Why am I driving all this way by myself?" And then I would think "I'm so excited, I can't wait!". Well after only 1 hour of sleep that night, I will say that the drive was pretty tough....but so worth it.

I made it to my sister's at exactly 8am in Minneapolis, which is when I said I would arrive (I'm so good at that - seriously - ask Julia). We met my brother and his wife and my niece for breakfast. It was good to see them! From there I made my way to Iowa. OH - and Tom made me a great mixed CD, and Julia...thank you - convinced me to purchase the Kings of Leon CD. I haven't bought a cd in YEARS- but it is SOOOOO good! So I made it to Iowa where I did a lot of thinking about myself - and relationships - be it romantic relationships or relationships with family....just a lot of reflecting on what makes me happy. Then I stared at some windmills. After several hours I found myself in Adaire (I might be making up that spelling), Iowa. Their water tower made me smile. :)

My goal on Saturday was to make it to Kearney or North Platte, NE. Well...on one hour of sleep that wasn't an option. I got to Omaha....and then got delirious and checked into a hotel. Slept awesome though. Saturday night I spoke with Eric and told him I would be getting up at 5 to get a head start on the day. He said "Why don't you sleep in a little, and take it easy on your vacation, instead of making it like work?" After I hung up I thought about that for a little bit. Why do I do that? I did want to get up early and get moving..but really....5am? I then set the alarm for 7 and was very happy that I did.

Once I hit the road I was immediately happy to see the speed limit back up to 75 (which of course means 82). Check out I-80 on a map sometime and see how damn straight it is between Omaha and....Grand Island I think it was. I realized that I have a pretty great alignment on my vehicle.....no hands on the steering wheel....no curves in the road!!! During this part of my trip, work started filling my brain. But not in a negative way. I've felt so negative and down on myself lately....that almost every day at least once, I've felt as though I've lost worth in the department. My boss (and others) have told me that I'm being too critical of myself and have tried to give me some positive reinforcement but I just couldn't see it. All I could see was ---well....nothing. Yesterday - after staring a couple more windmills....I finally could see the things that I have added to the department. And what kind of differences I've made, and for the first time in months, I felt good about it. I really think that sometimes you just need to take yourself out of the picture....in order to see everything else around.

I arrived in Denver yesterday at some point. I was pretty exhausted. My aunt and I went to Hamburger Mary's for dinner. A very happy place. :) I had a spicy chicken sandwich and afterwards, my aunt and I tried to split what is the biggest slice of carrot cake I've ever seen in my life. Didn't get through it - but certainly had the stomach ache to prove that I tried! :)

This morning I got up, got ready for the day, and first took a nice walk around the neighborhood. Then I went to the Denver Zoo (Mandy's recommendation) and it was probably the best zoo I have been to. I spent several hours there, and even sat in on a wild life show that was more geared toward kids but it was still pretty impressive. I normally do not buy things at gift shops at these kinds of places because the prices are ridiculous, but I have to say...not too bad at this one. Actually came back with a couple things. I do have to say though (and I texted some of you this) there is NO place like the zoo, to make you feel like you're the only woman on the planet with no children. At first I actually felt a little sad - all of these children with their parents, but then when I saw the hunger tantrums begin in the early afternoon, it made me realize that the zoo, can also be a great method of birth control to stick in your brain. I'm ready for kids....but not so ready that I can't enjoy my time without them. :) Then I toured around and I must say - I have never - in any city I have ever been it - been so enamored with the houses. It's not just one little neighborhood I don't think. The houses in this city are just beautiful. They give me a much more southwestern kind of feeling. A lot of brick, stone, wrought iron, gorgeous homes. I thought about heading up the mountain today, but....it was pretty overcast in the afternoon and I couldn't find the damn thing. :) Then I made my way downtown, after getting my streets and avenues mixes up several times, I made it to the 16th Street Mall which is blocks and blocks and shops. I didn't buy anything - didn't need to - was just happy to see some of the city. The one thing I DID want to do was pick up a postcard at the visitor's center....and I spaced it. Hmph. Anyway I am having a wonderful time - and I think that a trip like this was exactly what I needed to get rid of any extra stress...some of which I didn't even know I had! Tomorrow....off to Utah.