Passion

Passion.  It’s the only word I can think of to describe 2013.  I ended 2012 in a sorrowful, pitiful funk...and started 2013 with force.  I aimed to do things a little differently and I have, and I feel like I’m truly about to burst at the seams with how passionate I feel towards…everything!  It's as if I can't wait another minute...for whatever is about to happen in the next minute!

Gym – it’s not that exciting, but thanks to my dear friend Mandy letting me borrow her Nook…I look forward to it every day.  I’ve never been able to read and ACTUAL book on any workout machines, too hard to read a steady line, and keep the book open.  But with the Nook, big font, lies flat – perfect!  AND this way I don’t stay up super late reading, I only read when I’m at the gym so with a good book…it’s something to look forward to, and before I know it my time is up – sometimes it’s WAY up and I’ve had no idea!  Great!

Zumba – yeah yeah – I’ve said it before, but I just love it.  I love the music, I love that it makes me interested in actual dance, I love the workout, and I love the people.  I have made quite a few new friends through several nights of Zumba, and have dragged several of my friends to zumba as well.  The instructors are so positive, it’s not like they are there to do their job and force you to bust your ass…it’s like they are there to have fun with you and make sure you’re having a good time (while busting your ass).  I put this on Facebook a while ago…but it’s fitting for this blog.  During our last session in the former studio, the instructor (Jill) killed us with a particular routine.  When it was done I said to her (while out of breath) “How do you not die?”  and without skipping a beat she said “You live!”  So simple.  Love that girl.

Friends – Broken record I know, but I do know the greatest people, and I challenge you to disagree.  Although if you're reading this, you are probably one of them...so no reason to disagree!  It’s almost overwhelming at times because I want life to slow down.  People often say “don’t you think you’re too busy?”  But I don’t.  I’m very, very busy yes...but I keep it balanced.  My “me time” – is when I’m doing what makes me happy.  All of this makes me happy.  Working out, solo or in a group, and seeing my friends...  Yes, it may be hard to schedule things sometimes, but I really do make an effort to spend time with everyone.  Everyone reading this (and not reading this) is important to me.  Once again we had a beautiful 4^th of July.  Every year a group of us goes to Island Lake. This was my first year without my sweet Budha.  BUT…1. I happened to be watching my friends’ dog for the week so I brought him along, and  2. Happiness is what you make of it.  Beautiful day, with fantastic friends….bliss.

Kitchen – I FINALLY made it to a comfort level financially to remodel my kitchen (nothing major, but to me, it was major) – and though I still have one window and one door to trim, I did it….and it feels fantastic.

Dating – I’ve been dating again recently and it feels great.  No one person in particular but just being back “out there” after being is such a miserable funk last fall/winter.  I love meeting new people.  Or…even being stood up can bring about a hilarious story when you have good friends to laugh about it with (Thanks Amanda, Lisa, and Mandy!).

I feel great.  I’m conscious of what I eat, and how much or little I work out in a day.  I’m remembering to appreciate the small things, to be grateful for what little I have and know it can always be worse, and to really let people know how big of an influence they are in my life even if they don’t think so (and if you haven’t heard it from me yet, know that it’s true for you as well).

I just feel like…after having a miserable 30, and a tough time breaking into 31...I’m finally at a point where...not only am I accepting of it…but I’m ruling it!

Feeling Disgusting and Loving it!

I just posted on Facebook "sweating out of my earholes".  That's pretty accurate.  Let me explain.  I've battled for many years with trying to lose weight.  I've probably lost like 250 lbs if you add up all the times I've lost the same 10!  A few years ago I lost 29.8 lbs.  That was my record.  Then over time I gained about 37 back.  Hmph.

Well...throughout all of this, I've still remained active, but not increasingly active.  Same activities, gym, walking the pup, volleyball, wallyball...but never really bumping it up.

I lost my pup in August.  After swallowing several struggles and always being happy to bounce back when I saw that face..that was the straw that broke the camel's back.  It wasn't just the missing her, it was everything that she healed....reopening.  I don't expect that to be understood...she just...she was the best part of my day.  That's it.  Love my friends, family, life, but regardless of what struggle was at hand...she was never a part of the tough times.  So...bottom line is I lost her in August and it took MONTHS to get - I don't want to say "happy" or "better" but "rejuvenated".  In December I realized there were many things I was just losing interest in, places I didn't want to go, people I didn't want to see, and to top it off - none of my clothes were fitting and I was at a point of accepting that.

I felt unhappy and therefore wasn't caring much about my appearance.  I didn't care much about my appearance, and therefore felt unhappy. I'm going to skip over the more personal stuff and cut to the chase...basically one day I realized I just don't want to fall victim to my own mistreatment. I don't want to wake up at 50 and feel like I'm 80. 

So....on December 28th, I said "Screw New Years, I'm starting now!", and I started eating right, and even bit the bullet and went to a Zumba class.  in about 13 weeks I lost 30.2 lbs.  A new record, barely, but a record none-the less.  Was it hard?  Not really.  That's what makes the "hard times"....HARD!  I didn't have trouble at all with it, a mini vacation had some set backs, as did not getting to the gym a couple times just due to timing issues....but I bounced back easy peasy.  However in the past 2 weeks, I've lingered between  maintaining and gaining 5.  Why?  Because I've just been in a funk...nothing major just small stresses getting on my nerves. So today I vowed that that's enough slacking and that I'm not going to stop just because I broke my previous record. 

So...I came home from work after a really long, exhausting day and more than anything I wanted a beer.  But instead I went to Zumba...I was mopey and in a daze the whole way there thinking about internal stresses and how to handle them and that really...in the grand scheme of life....they are nothing.  They are blessings really.  "Ohhh waaa...work is tough" - I have a job.  "Ohhh waaaa I want my kitchen remodel finished" - I have shelter.  Shut up, self.  So I got to Zumba....and it was a blast - and literally - that's the most I've sweat in a couple months...and I go to Zumba 3+ times/week!  I felt and still feel great.  Disgusting, but great  - and I feel like I've got that little extra umph to get back on track!

Every time I do well with losing, I get confident and then when I stop losing, well...it seems like a public defeat.  I hate that.  Is it going to happen again?  Let's be honest - of course the potential exists...but I feel great and I have the motivation and confidence to say...I'm looking forward the Facebook status I post that says "Today...down 50 lbs".  I hope to have that written sometime over the summer.

For now, my happy, sweaty, disgusting self...is calling it a day. Good night all.