29 Going on 92

I do not think 29 is old. I do not think 35 is old. I do not think 45 is old....honestly, I think whatever age you are, “old” is at least 30 years after that. When you’re 10, 40 is old. When you’re 20, 50 is old, when you’re 30, 60 is old...and so on.

29? Please. I’m young....but am getting challenged by the younger every single day.

When I was a kid, a song would come on and within the first 2 notes I would say “Mom, do you like this song?” She would reply “Sabrina, I don’t even know what it is yet.” I did. I knew every word of every song and could point it out in a second.

Now, it takes me until a song is almost over before I remember that I even knew it.

I used to watch a movie, and remember it almost word for word. A lot of people (especially males it seems) can still do this. I can’t. If it’s good enough that I’ve watched it several times, then I can. Most of the time, I don’t remember anything about the movie within 30 minutes its end. Sigh....

To stop myself from rambling, I will try to get to the point.

I now have a 20 year old roommate – with a puppy. She’s great...but I don’t think I ever realized what a difference there really was. When I first met her she reminded me so much of my friend Kasha. Kasha and I were really close from ages 18-20, before she moved. What I’m realizing now, is even though she reminds me so much of 20 yr old Kasha....I....am not 20 anymore. A lot of things that she does or says – I look at with confusion for a moment, and then I think back to the summer Julia and I spent in Fredericksburg....that was 20’s style living. Play drinking games, don’t come home at night, didn’t pick up after ourselves....now Julia and I have grown past that....but I live with the reminder.

It reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where Carrie wakes up in a 20-something’s apartment. It’s an eye opener.

Yesterday I decided to get a part time job. Again. Other times it has been to make ends meet, or to pay off a new sewer, etc...This time – it’s because I’m getting to the age where roommates are getting tough. Do I like them? Yes. Are they fun to be around? Yes. Do I miss the feeling of ownership of my own house/space/things? Yes. If I’m annoyed about a mess, I want it to be my mess. If irritated with a full garbage can, I want it to be my full garbage can. If I want to park in front of my house, I want MY car to be the one in that spot. It’s nothing pointed at any person for any one reason (thought there are certainly some issues as expected when having roommates), but....lately – I feel like I’ve been playing mom. Do I want kids? Yes. But not like this.

So I think my main reason for this “feeling old” – was not so much that I feel I can’t do the things I used to....but that I have no desire to. When my 20 yr old roommate said to me “What do you mean you’re not going out tonight, its Friday.....” and then followed up with “Wanna drink tonight?” – I realized how things change. When you’re over 21 – there’s really not a “wanna drink tonight?” conversation. At 29 – I either drink or I don’t. Maybe I’ll have one drink and call it good, maybe I’ll have 12, maybe I’ll have water....there’s no plan – you just do what you do. At 29 – on a Friday night, maybe I’ll have friends over for a nice dinner, a couple glasses of wine, maybe I’ll go to my usual bar and drink one or 7 and play cribbage with a friend for 1 hour or 4 who knows. Maybe I’ll come home and go to bed early enjoying the night alone with my pup. The one thing I do NOT enjoy – is going “out” out anymore. I do not enjoy going out and watching a bunch of young girls dolled up to the max with an equal group of Abercrombie (if that’s even popular anymore...?) dudes (did I really just say “dudes”?) having loud competitions with themselves.

On the contrary, I did go “out” with some of these young ones a couple weeks ago. “Just come out, it’s Saturday night” I was told. I looked at my other roommate who is 31, and we agreed that we would be the old ones (in comparison to the others that were going) that would go out for just a couple and come home. Well...instead....I ran into an old flame. I haven’t talked to this person in 2 years, and there was a reason for it. At the same time, I haven’t had a date in.....7 months (ouch! I just counted that out!). We rekindled the spark for most of the evening even though, even after several drinks....I knew deep down why I stopped speaking to him. At the very end of the night my 20 yr old roommate said “are you taking him home?” My 20 yr old self wouldn’t have batted an eye. Of course I would have. Instead....I looked at his buddy and said “are you okay to drive him home?”. That was that. As I told my best friend the next morning “I guess I’m ready for a grown up relationship”. I’m at the age where I still like to act a fool sometimes, and I still play sports, and I am still a social butterfly, but....I also want a clean house, my bills paid, time to read books, and if I wake up next to someone, I expect it to be long term. That night proved to me that physically I felt 20....but on a level of maturity....92! (I exaggerate...this will not change).

Last night I was talking to my mom on the phone and I told her my plan for a part time job. She said “if you follow through with this, you’ll be working every single day”. I said “Like I’ve never done that before?” She said “When?” I was annoyed at this point because for a long time I worked 2 or 3 jobs (several of you can vouch for this). I said to her “Do you really not remember when I worked a 127 day stretch?” She said “When?” “When I was 20” I responded.

“You’re not 20 anymore” said the slap in the face.

Ugh. So....this is true. I think, especially having a desk job 40 hrs/wk....she is probably right about that. I’m still going to get one, but maybe I will change my availability a little to give myself some time to relax....maybe I’ll take up knitting.