Ring of Fear

When someone close to us passes away, we do strange things. It’s human nature to hold on to something – even once you think you’ve let go. For me...I bought a ring. It’s Jon’s birthstone (which also is my favorite gemstone) with 2 small diamonds representing my soul and my strength. Engraved on the inside are the words “My Every Day”. Why? Because I was literally with him every single day. Even on those days when we could not see each other, there was a phone call. Even after he passed away, he was there every day. To THIS very day, I don’t pine over his memory often, but I think of him often. I think of what he would think if he saw this, what he would say if he knew that, how he inspired me to be who I am, etc... It doesn’t make me sad often anymore, but....he still exists in my heart. Does that mean I have not moved on? Absolutely not. It just means he was a big part of my life.

Now, at the time I wore this ring on my left ring finger because – it was sentimental (AND...because it fits that finger best). I never thought people would mistake it for an engagement ring – it’s Amethyst....

In any case, I still love this ring, I still love the look of it, and I don’t have to look at the words to know the meaning. It is not like a tattoo of a name, it’s a symbol of how I got to where I am. THAT is what it truly represents.

That was a long history to explain “the ring”. Now....to the point (always takes me a little while to get there, but I feel the background is sometimes necessary). One day at the gym, my workout buddy Marcus and I were talking about dating. The last year has been semi rough for me on the dating scene. And for a while I didn’t care, because I didn’t really have the time anyway...? Then after a few days Marcus points at my hand and says “that’s why you’re dating life sucks”. I immediately got defensive and said “Shut up, that’s been there for years (which did not help my case) and I like it there and I’m not moving it”. He knows when to stop – and he did. That was a couple months ago though and I’m still mulling it over.

I know that there have been a few times where a less than respectable....let me rephrase that. I know that there have been a few times when a less than sober person has approached me at a bar, started talking and then has noticeably looked at the ring and either walked away or say “are you married?” And at those times – it’s easier to say “yes” than “No, but you’re drunk and annoying me so let’s not fight about this or put me on the spot to say something which in return you’ll either feel bad or call me a bitch, and neither of us want either of things to happen....” So yes, maybe sometimes it may look like I’m attached because I do where it there, and maybe sometimes I like that. But now I wonder....what IF there really are some respectable men out there....who do see the ring, and are respectful enough not to even approach because of it. Could this actually be working against me, a ring that has NO resemblance to an engagement ring?

“Why not just move the ring to another damn finger” – says the readers. Well, I think I am okay with moving away from that finger as I no longer feel the need to “latch on”....however....it is the only finger it fits (yes, for real). And to get it resized, will mean having to re-engrave it, and I’d like to just keep the same crooked words I have if possible.

Now on one hand (no pun intended), it could just flat out be that I am not gauging any interest (no – don’t feel pity in that statement – it’s just a statement), on the other hand (pun intended) – could it be this ring shooting “married woman laser beams” into the eyes of [looking for a creative word]....ummm....men?

So, I don’t know how many guys read my blog – I am guessing very few, but to any man who is reading this blog, answer this: If you are/were single, and you see a woman with a ring on her left ring finger (a ring of any sort....well...maybe not a ring pop), would you immediately retreat? Do you automatically even look for a ring? (I know I do).