See that person over there? Compliment them.

Never feel awkward about paying someone a compliment…not only can it make a person feel good, but it may give them a boost they need to keep going.

The past couple weeks have been tough for me.  Everything around me that has to deal with plumbing, electricity, or a motor…seems to be breaking.  It’s been stressful to say the least.  While I haven’t been necessarily eating “terribly” – I haven’t been put the effort into “paying attention” like I was.  And for the last few nights at Zumba….I just haven’t been giving it my all.  I’ve been at roughly the same weight for about a month, and then gained 3 lbs in booze and candy weight.  I was really starting to feel discouraged after 10 months….I was worried that I was starting to wind down.

Yesterday I said under no circumstance would I eat ANY Halloween candy from anywhere, and I would not have a drink after work, which for some reason has been delightful lately.  I got home from work, toasted a bagel, drank some water, and changed into my Zumba clothes.  As I changed I looked in the mirror and was annoyed with myself.  Then I went to the studio.  I was standing there waiting for class to start and one of the other girls who is a regular in this class came up to me and said “Have you been losing weight?”  I said “I have….I’m down 45 but I’ve been stuck here for a long time and I need to snap out of this” and she said “that can be hard…but I can tell you’ve been losing”.  She, herself, has lost 83 lbs!!!  

And that’s all it took.  I gave it my all last night and sweated like crazy….and went to bed feeling amazing….AND….the scale was rewarding this morning by dropping my 3 lbs of Halloween sabotage weight.  Now to keep going so I can just get to 50!!!!  My point is…I knew I’d lost weight….but I’d been stuck for so long, that I couldn’t see it anymore….and then this sweetheart of a girl pointed it out and it gave me back my drive to keep going!  Not like I was going to quit, but my attitude was definitely shifting.

Not that long ago this happened to me again (well I guess it was the first time).  I’m on dating websites.  One day I was feeling particularly bad about this weight loss plateau….and I got a message from a guy who said “I saw you at the Flame.  You are so beautiful”.  Now…people compliment your pictures online and come on….we always use our BEST pictures online, right?  So normally I wouldn’t really think much of that….but he saw me….in person….candidly.  I even responded “when did you see me?”  and he said “the weekend before last…you were sitting at the bar”.  Dead on.  Yes I was.  I was so flattered that someone saw me candidly, while I wasn’t “sucking in” or standing upright with perfect posture, etc…I was just lounging with a pal (who is stunningly gorgeous by the way) and he took notice.  It made me feel wonderful – and again…pulled me out of the funk.

That said, we are truly the only ones who can make ourselves feel better.  But when you see that someone has worked hard for something and you take notice….tell them.  Whether it be their body, their yardwork, their cooking, their smile, their job, their writing, how well their children behave, tell them.  Sometimes people just need some encouragement.  It’s not selfish…it’s being human.  Sometimes I think people are so concerned with how their kindness will be perceived…that they forget how it feels to be noticed.  Take the risk of sounding flirty or “sucking up”.  You’ll make someone’s day.

Pay it Forward

Everyone has heard that there is no greater feeling than the feeling of giving.  Do you believe it?  I do.  I don't have a lot to give, but I certainly need a lot!  I don't think I have ever had a stranger do a "good deed" for me, and I certainly would not expect it, though my friends have done plenty and I appreciate every little gesture, and I do my best to show my appreciation.  Truly though, I do believe the best way to pay back that feeling and not just feel like you've paid your debt, is to pay it forward. 

Yesterday I spent the majority of what I have right now on a vacuum that I've been wanting because I couldn't handle all the dog hair (from a pet that I'm lucky to have) in my home (which even though a financial struggle....I'm grateful to own).

This morning I decided since I'm feeling a little better (battled a cold all week and had to miss 2 days of work - which I'm fortunate to have a lot of Paid Time Off to cover), I would make a glorious breakfast.  One cannot have a glorious  breakfast, however, without bacon. 

I went to the Save-A-Lot.  If you've never been here, I will do my best to describe it.  The Save-A-Lot is a small grocery store with basically just the essentials plus a few extras.  Everything is off brand and the shelves are made of rickety plastic.  It's certainly not a classy place to shop but it's a smart place to shop.  I can go in there and get 11 items for $8.00.  Sometimes I will go there, AND to the "regular" grocery store if I need 10 regular items and 5 things that I will not find at the Save-A-Lot (stir fry sauce, peppadews, goat cheese, etc....).  It is still quite a savings!  Often times there are people in this grocery store who are obviously low income...and honestly, not nice people.  You know the type.  "I have no money, but we need to make sure we have beer in the house, get me a pack of smokes, I got a case a soda, and 4 bags of chips, how much money you got?"  If that you're that hard for money - make some better choices.  It's hard for me to feel bad for this type of situation.

Today, this happened.  I went to the Save-A-Lot for some bacon and sausage.  There was a couple filling up their cart, late 40's, maybe early 50's.  I didn't really pay attention, I was just really excited to get home and make up a delicious breakfast.  :)  The couple pulled their cart ahead of me and the woman started unloading it.  Then the man (whom I assume was her husband) ran up and said "I'm sorry, here" and started helping her unload the cart.  I noticed the contents of their cart:  eggs, milk, cheese, bread, vegetables, ....all good hearty items.  The woman laughed with the cashier and said "We're cutting it close here, we're on a budget".  They rang the items up and had 4 containers of yogurt and an onion left.  The two of them dug in their pockets for change, and paid for the onion.  Then the woman said "No yogurt for me.  I cry"  And she smiled and laughed, not embarrassed, not upset, not angry, she just let it be.  They joked more about having to make do the best you can between checks, they thanked the cashier and moved over to the counter to bag their groceries (that's how it works in this store).

I told the cashier to ring up the yogurt on mine.  Just then the woman looked back and asked the cashier "Do you want me to go put that yogurt back?"  The cashier said "Actually no, she's buying it" and the woman laughed and said "Oh well then it all works out for everyone".  When my items were rung up, I took the yogurt and put it in the couples' cart.  It was only $2.00.  You could just FEEL how grateful they were, not that they NEEDED the yogurt, not that they were even upset about it, but the man mumbled to his wife that I was a sweetheart (awww shucks....*blush*) and smiled at me and thanked me and the woman thanked me several times through a choked up shaky voice.  I said "it's no problem, have a good day".  I heard them speaking to each other and they said "the best way to repay this is to pay it forward", then they hurried to find a man who left his gloves in the store and return them to him.

People say that there is no such thing as a selfless act.  That may slightly be true.  I didn't pay the $2.00 because it would make me a better person.  BUT...seeing how truly grateful they were for such a small act of kindness, and seeing that they ARE the type of people to do something similar, makes me feel good not only for helping them out,  but kind of puts my faith back into humanity.  There are so many people out there that are poor and miserable (and I'm not calling this couple poor...but merely making a point)...because that's how they make their life.  They don't do anything to better themselves, but they complain about everything they don't have.  Why not?  It's easy to complain.  For those who can see through what they don't have, and appreciate what they do or what they COULD have....those are the people....that my heart seeks out... I guess is the best way to say it. 

I didn't save the day.  The yogurt wasn't going to get them through the week.  I didn't act like a saint.  But it made my day to see how much it meant to them, such a small act of kindness.  A part of me wants to say "more people should do this when they can".  The other part of me says "Maybe, more people do....and we just don't see it". 

So...today I say this.  Pay it forward, sometime, in some way.  It doesn't have to be something big, but appreciate each other.  Appreciate if your neighbor shovels your walk, or if someone gets a door for you while your hands are full.  Pay it forward.  It doesn't have to be monetary, just....think of others.  You may not realize it, but they'll appreciate it.  The smallest act of kindness just might make someone's day; maybe even your own. 

Enjoy your Sunday.

Out of the Woodwork....Come Some of the Kindest Souls

Today....I fully prepared to have a blog titled "R.I.P. Baby Yogi". Earlier this month, I had to surrender Yogi because of his self-mutilating behavior. The shelter was very accomodating, and knew that this absolutely broke my heart. That day, my very dear friends, Mandy and Ken, went to breakfast with me...talked to me about how I did everything I could, and even contacted the shelter for me. Mandy went with me to hand him over as he clung to me. I haven't cried that hard in years. She stayed strong - and was there for me...for something that was certainly not a fun occasion.

5 days later, I spoke with the vet at the shelter and she informed me that since being on the meds, and having his tail bandaged, that Yogi had shown no interest in his tail. I could reclaim him if I wanted to. I did. Within 45 minutes of having him home, I knew it wasn't permanent...I could still see the behavior. I was down...I was up...I was nervous...I was on edge. He was pretty drugged for about 5 days, not the same cat, pulling at his fur at the base of the bandage, but not attacking. I missed his medicine for less than 2 days, and he was chasing it again...I immediately got his meds going again at a higher dose...11 days later....he is still more aggressive than ever. Last week I made an appt with the shelter to surrender him again. As the next couple days went on...I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't send him back there, though they are a fantastic organization, I couldn't see him possibly get adopted while still having this problem...if the staff there couldn't see it.

ugh...On Friday a coworker whom I barely know, emailed me asking about him. We chatted, and then she offered this enourmous outpouring of support. She even offered to pay to put him down if I needed to, and to come with me if I needed someone. I was stunned. Here was a woman I've met a total of 15 times in 7 years, and she was reaching out with all this spport for me, and for my kitty.

After several nights of less than 2 hours of sleep a night, monitoring Yogi, I made the call to put him down today. He exhausts himself by hurting himself...and I can't even explain what that's like to see.

Everyone has been so supportive, and also...everyone knew it was time that I had to cut the ties...I haven't been myself, I'm tired, I'm depressed...I'm miserable.

Today...was the day of his euthenasia appointment. Yesterday at work I felt sick wondering if I was doing the right thing. Last night - I left him for 25 minutes when I went to the store, when I came back - his tail was so bloody - that for the first time, I couldn't even pick him up - because it made me sick to my stomach. :( I knew it had to be done. I cried for a long time today preparing for this.

I drove all the way out to his vet. When I got there, the receptionist said "I'm so sorry you're going through this, come on back". When I entered the room - I expected to see a normal clean exam room, and instead there was a nice blanket laid out on the table - and a box of tissues. She gave me a minute with Yogi. It felt like an eternity but was probably 5 minutes. I cried my eyes out as he snuggled under my chin scared. I told him I was sorry, and that I did everything I could, and that his tail wouldn't hurt him anymore and he'd be happier. And of course - that I love him.

The tech came in and said "we pulled a few strings...and spoke with the shelter - they are willing to take him back if you'd rather do that"

---------------emotional----------------------roller coaster------------

I didn't want that. It wasn't their fault - they were trying to do the right thing and help everyone in the situation. I was upset...making peace with losing him, and then this...she got the vet (who is my usual vet) to come in and talk. He came in and fell in love with Yogi and his beautiful blue eyes. I told him that I had nothing against the shelter, but that this was a pretty severe case...and he needed to be monitored a lot...and basically have some one on one care to get this figured out. I can't do it. :( I WISH I could say I had all the money to do this but I don't anymore. I am not emotionally or financially equipped for trial and error of things that may or may not work. I couldn't...I couldn't take him home AGAIN - and do this all over again. :(

Then...my vet (who shall remain nameless) said:

"What if I took him?"

Through choking on my tears, I caught my breath and said "Like...to your home?" He said "yes, I understand your position, this is very hard to see him do this, and can be quite expensive to find a solution that works, and he does need contant care until we find that solution" Then he said "I've seen this behavior before and have successfully treated it, I would happily take him into my home and try some things if you'll let me".

While on one hand - I felt like jumping off a bridge because I need closure with this - I need for me to stop worrying, and for him to be better - on the other hand...I knew that this was a great solution. He will foster him and he said if he is 100% sure that Yogi is better, he knows a circle of people that he trusts would adopt him and be able to give him the meds needed (if needed), and if he can't...well then there is the alternative where I was today.

While it was still very VERY hard for me to be up and down and up and down, and grieve and take it back - rip my heart out....I gave him a few last kisses....and left him with my vet.

I feel better than I've felt in a long time. There is some sadness that he is not here. There is some sadness that....I've essentially given him up AGAIN...and while I don't know what animals think/feel...I hope he knows that I did this because I DO love him, and I know I can't help anymore. :(

I know that my vet will give him the attention he deserves. I could see it in his face. I wish I would have seen him in the first place, but last time it was so urgent I had to see whomever was available. No use crying over spilled milk though...

In any case, Mandy, Ken, Brian, Lisa, Nick, Amanda, Lee Ann, my vet, and abosolutely everyone who has just...just been there for me during all of this. I appreciate you all more than you know. I hope I can return the kindness you've all shown to me.

And Yogi, I love you baby kit...I wish you a healthy, happy stress-free life...get better sweetheart. You're in great hands.