To All Kids and Teenagers

I write this for all the youth of today. 

Bullying.  About 2 years ago I talked with a young woman (just out of high school) about bullying.  I said "Bullies have been around forever, it's really no different".  I was wrong about that.  Social media is a great tool.  Is social media to be blamed for bullying?  No...but we have to educate kids more on all aspects of social media, it's not just Facebook, but YouTube, even texting is a form of social media.  I have no kids.  I don't know how this is handled in schools today.  I DO know that bullying seems to be taken MUCH more seriously now than I ever remember in schools, and that is wonderful.  But what are the proactive measures?  I honestly don't know.  It's my hope though that there are more social skills classes beginning at a young age, not only about treating others as you'd like to be treated, but also really educating kids (repeatedly) about the dangers of any electronic posts and how they aren't going to disappear in a day, or even only be seen by the intended viewers.

Yesterday on CNN I saw this story about a teen suicide after bullying.  I'm 30 years old.  It breaks my heart to see that someone so young, was pushed to this limit...and will never know how life could have been great for her.  What's more upsetting is that this isn't a unique case.  This is happening more and more and we need to help save these kids!  Times aren't what they were....this story explains even if the parents move their kids to a new school...bullying through social media can follow.

The most important thing I want to say to all of these kids before I go any further is this:

*PUSH THROUGH YOUR TEEN YEARS!  IT WILL GET BETTER!*

 

It's not easy.  If you're in school, and kids are mean to you, tormenting you, you lose your best friend, you lose all your friends, that is terrible.  It is TERRIBLE.  BUT...you HAVE to be strong because life goes by fast and you just have to get through school.  Once you get through school, you can move on to college or if you don't go to college, you can still move on to adulthood.  Kids/Teenagers often time behave the way they do...to be accepted.  And if that means hurting others....unfortunately that happens.  But if you can get through that....just keep fighting it every day there is light at the end of the tunnel.  When you are on your own, through the dramatics of high school, that is your time to shine.  You don't need all those people surrounding you, you will have your independence to find out who YOU are and build new friendships.  By that point, you are going to be surrounded by others like you who are just trying to becoming their own person, and none of this petty stuff will matter anymore.  By then if someone treats you badly, it will not only be easier to walk away from that person, but it will also be your time to tell them how childish they are behaving.  No one should ever disrespect another person, but after high school...it's even more unacceptable - and any self respecting adult should be embarrassed if they ever make another person feel inadequate.

 

Another thing you should know...if you have bullies now, a lot of them will probably have regret in the future about the way they treated you.  Does that help you now?  Probably not, but it's another example of how people grow.  Grade school and high school does not build who you are - you must understand that.  Grade school and high school are to educate you for your adult life.  You don't build who YOU are until...you have the opportunity to break free of these other influences.  And the feeling is incredible, but you have to push through.  A few years of torment (which still isn't fair) isn't worth shorting yourself of what could be a lifetime of wonderful things to come!

 

When I went to my 10 year class reunion, I saw 2 sides that made me proud of my classmates. 

 

1.  I saw some people that I was shocked to see, because I remember them being bullied.  It took amazing courage for them to come back to a place where people weren't always nice to them...and you know....everyone got along great.  Good for them for showing up and saying "Hey...my life is great."

 

2. I sat with a woman who was a very popular girl in high school.  She looked at me and said "I just really wish "so and so" would have come to the reunion.  I really wanted to apologize to her, I wasn't nice to her when we were little".  That was about 20 years before hand...but she grew up and she genuinely felt bad about this, and wanted to tell her she was sorry. 

 

So my own story.  I hated bullying - I never took part of it through high school/grade school.  I stood up for those getting made fun of, but still one thing always sticks in my mind.  When I was in first grade - only....6 years old... I was playing with a girl in my class for a few days, and then 2 other kids pulled me aside and said I shouldn't be friends with her because "she isn't cool".  6 years old.  I stopped playing with her.  I didn't say anything mean to her or pick on her...but she had no idea why I abandoned her.  6 years old.  That girl grew up, with people being rude to her all through high school...what I did seemed so minor...I just stopped talking to her....at 6 years old.  But I thought about it ever day, and I still do.

 

*Sara Nelson, from Park Rapids...I apologize to you.  Maybe you don't even remember us hanging out in first grade, but I do.  I hope you are living a good life, and I respect you for hanging in there in a school full of students that didn't always treat you well.*

 

Never say hurtful things to someone.  Yes, sometimes we have to say things people may not want to hear, but really think about it.  Think about how this could affect that person, and also remember that we NEVER fully understand what another person is going through, so before you judge them, stop and think about WHY you feel the need to!   

 

To the kids who are currently facing these struggles at school...this is not just to say "get through it" - use resources to help you.  Talk with your parents, talk to your counselors at school, talk to counselors outside of school, go to support groups, find online support...do these things in order to push through.  Your life will get better, once it becomes your own. 

 

Do you think this blog doesn't apply to you because you don't bully? Good for you. Stand up for what you believe in. Help these kids. NO ONE deserves to be hurt...ever. Stand up for these kids, befriend them. Help them. Will you get bullied for doing so? Then to the next person "stand up for these kids, befriend them. Help them." Fighting for what you believe in, fighting to make a person feel good is so much more than picking on someone because you have nothing better to do that be a jerk. Do what's right. Don't worry what people will think - because you could be the one person who may just save someone's life for giving an ounce of care.  Don't be the person who says "I should have said something" when it's too late. 

 

Everyone deserves the opportunity of a long happy life.  Help each other get through the younger years.  It's such a small portion of life, and while it seems like everything to you at the time - that's only because it's all you know.  Be strong and push through those hard times.  Give yourself the opportunity to experience the REAL life you deserve...you'll amaze yourself. 

 



Out of the Woodwork....Come Some of the Kindest Souls

Today....I fully prepared to have a blog titled "R.I.P. Baby Yogi". Earlier this month, I had to surrender Yogi because of his self-mutilating behavior. The shelter was very accomodating, and knew that this absolutely broke my heart. That day, my very dear friends, Mandy and Ken, went to breakfast with me...talked to me about how I did everything I could, and even contacted the shelter for me. Mandy went with me to hand him over as he clung to me. I haven't cried that hard in years. She stayed strong - and was there for me...for something that was certainly not a fun occasion.

5 days later, I spoke with the vet at the shelter and she informed me that since being on the meds, and having his tail bandaged, that Yogi had shown no interest in his tail. I could reclaim him if I wanted to. I did. Within 45 minutes of having him home, I knew it wasn't permanent...I could still see the behavior. I was down...I was up...I was nervous...I was on edge. He was pretty drugged for about 5 days, not the same cat, pulling at his fur at the base of the bandage, but not attacking. I missed his medicine for less than 2 days, and he was chasing it again...I immediately got his meds going again at a higher dose...11 days later....he is still more aggressive than ever. Last week I made an appt with the shelter to surrender him again. As the next couple days went on...I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't send him back there, though they are a fantastic organization, I couldn't see him possibly get adopted while still having this problem...if the staff there couldn't see it.

ugh...On Friday a coworker whom I barely know, emailed me asking about him. We chatted, and then she offered this enourmous outpouring of support. She even offered to pay to put him down if I needed to, and to come with me if I needed someone. I was stunned. Here was a woman I've met a total of 15 times in 7 years, and she was reaching out with all this spport for me, and for my kitty.

After several nights of less than 2 hours of sleep a night, monitoring Yogi, I made the call to put him down today. He exhausts himself by hurting himself...and I can't even explain what that's like to see.

Everyone has been so supportive, and also...everyone knew it was time that I had to cut the ties...I haven't been myself, I'm tired, I'm depressed...I'm miserable.

Today...was the day of his euthenasia appointment. Yesterday at work I felt sick wondering if I was doing the right thing. Last night - I left him for 25 minutes when I went to the store, when I came back - his tail was so bloody - that for the first time, I couldn't even pick him up - because it made me sick to my stomach. :( I knew it had to be done. I cried for a long time today preparing for this.

I drove all the way out to his vet. When I got there, the receptionist said "I'm so sorry you're going through this, come on back". When I entered the room - I expected to see a normal clean exam room, and instead there was a nice blanket laid out on the table - and a box of tissues. She gave me a minute with Yogi. It felt like an eternity but was probably 5 minutes. I cried my eyes out as he snuggled under my chin scared. I told him I was sorry, and that I did everything I could, and that his tail wouldn't hurt him anymore and he'd be happier. And of course - that I love him.

The tech came in and said "we pulled a few strings...and spoke with the shelter - they are willing to take him back if you'd rather do that"

---------------emotional----------------------roller coaster------------

I didn't want that. It wasn't their fault - they were trying to do the right thing and help everyone in the situation. I was upset...making peace with losing him, and then this...she got the vet (who is my usual vet) to come in and talk. He came in and fell in love with Yogi and his beautiful blue eyes. I told him that I had nothing against the shelter, but that this was a pretty severe case...and he needed to be monitored a lot...and basically have some one on one care to get this figured out. I can't do it. :( I WISH I could say I had all the money to do this but I don't anymore. I am not emotionally or financially equipped for trial and error of things that may or may not work. I couldn't...I couldn't take him home AGAIN - and do this all over again. :(

Then...my vet (who shall remain nameless) said:

"What if I took him?"

Through choking on my tears, I caught my breath and said "Like...to your home?" He said "yes, I understand your position, this is very hard to see him do this, and can be quite expensive to find a solution that works, and he does need contant care until we find that solution" Then he said "I've seen this behavior before and have successfully treated it, I would happily take him into my home and try some things if you'll let me".

While on one hand - I felt like jumping off a bridge because I need closure with this - I need for me to stop worrying, and for him to be better - on the other hand...I knew that this was a great solution. He will foster him and he said if he is 100% sure that Yogi is better, he knows a circle of people that he trusts would adopt him and be able to give him the meds needed (if needed), and if he can't...well then there is the alternative where I was today.

While it was still very VERY hard for me to be up and down and up and down, and grieve and take it back - rip my heart out....I gave him a few last kisses....and left him with my vet.

I feel better than I've felt in a long time. There is some sadness that he is not here. There is some sadness that....I've essentially given him up AGAIN...and while I don't know what animals think/feel...I hope he knows that I did this because I DO love him, and I know I can't help anymore. :(

I know that my vet will give him the attention he deserves. I could see it in his face. I wish I would have seen him in the first place, but last time it was so urgent I had to see whomever was available. No use crying over spilled milk though...

In any case, Mandy, Ken, Brian, Lisa, Nick, Amanda, Lee Ann, my vet, and abosolutely everyone who has just...just been there for me during all of this. I appreciate you all more than you know. I hope I can return the kindness you've all shown to me.

And Yogi, I love you baby kit...I wish you a healthy, happy stress-free life...get better sweetheart. You're in great hands.