Right or Wrong - I don't know....

So as you all know, I've had a very emotional week after surrending Yogi to the shelter on Saturday. I was so upset, I went to bed at 8pm that night...and woke up on Sunday feeling a huge pit in my stomach. I was just devastated. I went up to Animal Allies that day, once I could calmly talk without bursting into tears. I talked with the vet there who was wonderful. I gave her all of the documented information that I had given to the previous vet I saw. She said that Yogi had attacked his tail the previous night and they bandaged it and he had left it alone since then. I didn't get my hopes up because that was only 3 or 4 hours. She said she would talk to the nuerologist on Monday and she'd call me to inform me of any information.

Well...Monday went by and it was a tough day. Tuesday...I did a little better. I would still get sad when missing those little things like - how he would always be in front of the bathroom door when I opened it. But overall...I held together pretty well. Then I woke up this morning. For whatever reason it felt like Day 1 again. I was just heartbroken. I just kept picturing him in that little cage. :(

Well....I spoke with the vet at the shelter today. The neurologist had not called her back yet, but she said since it had been bandaged...he hadn't touched it at all. She said since she hadn't really done much and he seemed okay - just laying there leaving his tail alone - that I could come up and reclaim him if I chose to.

Well hell yeah I chose to!!!!!

I got up there and was so happy to bring him home! I walked in and Budha's face was right up in the kitty carrier, her tail just wagging away. Yogi came out, ran upstairs for a minute, then went down to the basement to make sure all his stuff was still there, and it was. I haven't even entered the basement since he left.

So...here's the issue. I know he's not "better". I've seen the look on his face when he's looked at his tail a few times tonight, and he's also trying (so far unsuccessfully) to get the bandage off. So here is my plan:

I love this cat dearly. It was exceptionally hard for me to give him up because I was so worried about how he would handle being up there. Well...I'm certain he's not as happy as when he's here, with a house to roam, a dog to love, and a mom to snuggle. Having said that, I'm also very happy with the good care they gave him. Oh yeah - the plan:

So was it the right thing to do, bringing him back? I don't know. I'm going to give it another month. I'm going to keep his tail bandaged, and if I need to (which I probably will) I'll take him up to the vet that she recommended and get her advice. If things don't improve, or if this cannot be controlled, then I will have to give him up...for real. I'm going to help him as much as I can and hope to see some improvement. If he does not improve, well...I know that emotionally...I CAN give him up...and now that I've seen how well they care for him, while I won't be happy about it...I will be able to handle it if he needs more care than I can give him. It makes me sad to say that, but I have to be realistic. I physically cannot monitor a cat 24/7, which is why it is important to find the cause of this...

So Yogi, I missed you tons, and I'm so happy to see your happy little face...I would like to see it for years to come...so lets work together on this Yogie Ogie---Oooo.

For now, it's bedtime, let's snuggle. :)

Yogi "Perogi" Blue

Today I made you purr
As you made me cry.
You’ve brought such love and joy
And you didn’t have to try.

When Tom and the kitties moved
Budha was all alone
It broke my heart to see her sad
So I brought you to our home.

When I first held you in my arms
...well...you drooled on me.
But it was because you were over excited
Cute and adorable; weird as that may be.

I don’t know what to do for you
To help the disorder in your mind.
I’ve looked everywhere for answers
But there is no cure I can find.

I don’t know what to do baby kit
you’re so full of life and love
Unfortunately there seems no solution
But it doesn’t seem fair to send you above.

You’re not even 3 years old
And physically in great health
But this condition in your brain
Is causing you to hurt yourself.

I wish I knew how to help you
Every day my heart is breaking
I’ve only had you for 2 months
And what a bond we’ve all been making.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote the beginning of this 3 days ago
That night you were so much worse
I completely broke down, I didn’t know how
To save you from this curse.

That night and the next morning
I smothered you with love
Knowing I had to let you go
Nothing left that I could think of.

I brought you to the shelter
I was so upset I couldn’t breathe
When I tried to hand you over
You turned and clung to me.

There is a constant lump in my throat
And empty hole in my chest
But I’m happy that they’re looking for a cure
And believe me they are trying their best.

I don’t know if this was the right thing
But I know they’re caring for you
And if I can help you, I’ll fight to get you back
No matter what I have to do.

Maybe this isn’t in your head
And something is physically wrong...
Maybe I should have been more patient
But was scared to wait too long.

I’ll do anything to get you back
If I know I can get you well
But seeing you hurt and not having you
Are both equal kinds of Hell.

Budha wonders where you are
Her brother kit she misses.
She loved you from the start;
Those sweet little headbutt kisses.

I hope you can return to me
And I’ll know how I can help you
But no matter what you need to know
How much I love you, Yogi Blue.