I have this roommate, Jeeves, who is great. When he first moved in, everything was wonderful. We got along instantly, liked doing a lot of the same activities, he was super clean, just...good to be around. Then in May he started dating Cruella. I remember it was just before Memorial Week. She was here 3 nights in a row. I didn't think too much of it, I mean...they had JUST met! It's not like she was living here. (am I laying on the foreshadowing a little too thick?)
I went camping for a few days over Memorial Weekend. When I came back, she was still here...and so was a bunch of her crap. Hmmmmm....
A couple weeks later I had a talk with Jeeves. I really had no problem with Cruella, but...it needed to be said that she didn't live there. He informed me that she had just moved out of her place, and was house-sitting for the summer. I understood, I told him I didn't mind if she was over, and I didn't mind if she was here a few nights a week...but it was looking like she was living here. Here is a tidbit that must be known. Jeeves is 31. Cruella, a very naive 21. Regardless of age though, as I said - I had no problem with her, just with the fact that it's not fair that he pays rent (as does my other roommate) and there's a 4th person here all the time.
So it got better for about 3 days...and that was it. Summer has been very busy, and I've not had ANY moments with Jeeves alone since to talk about this. Meanwhile in the back of my mind, I'm wondering why he agrees to do everything for this girl who has a part time low paying job (not in school....but only works part time...hmmmm).
SO...about a month ago, I told him something had to change. Either she was going to start paying the utilities (which would be pretty damn cheap rent), or she needed to get her own place, or they were both going to have to go.
Here's where Jeeves and Cruella show their true crazy. He talks to her, and she wants to move in with him - to their own place. WHAT?! How is she going to do that with the job she has? Who moves in together after 3 months?!?! So I tell him "As a roommate/landlord - you do whatever you need to do to fix this situation. As a friend I'm telling you - this is a REAL bad idea".
Since that time, they've been getting drunk every single night (which then results into unintentional loud door shutting and stumbling at 2am) and is disturbing me....especially because one of them doesn't LIVE THERE!
Here's the best part. He doesn't want to move in with her - he doesn't want to move at all. He knows it's too fast, but he doesn't want to break up.
Yes, I'm telling you all about his personal life (well not the stuff that shouldn't be said....but the stuff I told him I'd tell everyone).
They were fighting all the time. One time we were in a public place, and he made a comment about how she calls in sick a lot ( to her really stressful part time job) and she turned into a 4 year old "I do no-oooottt") - it was ear piercing. When he didn't respond the whining, Cruella shot laser beams into his skull and her voice became....*shivers* demon like. She was over the top angry - looked like she was going to stab him if she could have. WELL - that same night she talked TO ME about the ultimatum I have Jeeves. She apologized and said she never meant to take advantage. I told her "I know you didn't mean to, and it's nothing personal, but...it's not fair to everyone in the house, etc..." She offered an amount that she could give me for the next month while they look for a place. I told her I'd look over the bills and get back to her (when she was more sober too).
The next night I didn't stay at home because I was dog sitting. It was about 8pm when I saw Cruella leave my house as I was also leaving. Apparently Jeeves was sleeping and she wanted to go do something. Well...the next day I see Jeeves. He says that he fell asleep the night before, and guess how many times she called him...because she doesn't have a key...BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIVE THERE. Everyone guess. Are you guessing. 10? 20? 30???
217 times. 217 MISSED CALLS!!!!
Does your face look like this?
I saw the call log. It went like this:
10:42
10:42
10:43
10:44
10:44
10:44
10:45
...
Right there I said "Jeeves, something is NOT right - that is obsessive". My favorite comment was from a friend who reacted "Oh my - she needs to go....to Miller Dwan!" Yes. This is not normal behavior. If someone died, I would not call that many times....it's hard to even fathom it. Cruella dialed and dialed until her phone went dead.
Fast forward. No wait...rewind. Remember when I said she agreed to put money toward some bills? Well I gave her the amount (HALF of what she agreed to pay) - haven't seen a penny of that yet.
Okay now fast forward. Oy - mama needs a drink. One moment please....
Ahhhh better. *lip smack*
Where was I...oh yes....fast forward. Their situation had been annoying me to no end. They look at places they fight they fight they fight, they get drunk, they fight, they go to bed. Then one week ago last Thursday, I woke up at 2:13 am startled. Cruella and Jeeves were outside in my front yard fighting. Now Jeeves was barely heard - I heard mumbles of him trying to calm her down. "You don't love me! Waaaa Waaaaa" He tries to calm her down by saying something to the effect of "let's just go to bed...do you see what you're doing here, do you see what's happening..." And she responds with "I don't want to F***ing lay down, I'm going to f***ing lay in the f***ing street and f***ing wait for a f***ing car to f***ing run me over!"
I almost did it. I almost got my keys. We all would have slept a lot better had a just done it.
I wanted to yell at the window that she needed to quiet down, but at this point I am COMPLETELY convinced that she is off her "f***ing" rocker and figured she would respond with a rock from my garden right through the window. About 45 minutes later, they went to bed...but I stayed awake angry for 2 more hours. This is MY HOUSE.
The next day I told ...whoa...almost used the real name...had to delete (like most of you don't already know this story - and yeah Jeeves, this is about you). I told Jeeves that since he had to leave for 2 weeks (guards) the next day, that she could stay that night...and after that she is no longer allowed in my house. NO ONE - comes to MY house where they do NOT live, and creates a white trash COPS style fight like that. It was absolutely disgusting! You wanna' know what the fight was about. She was going to miss him while he was at guards (understood) and didn't want to stay at her parents' house. WAAAAAAAAAA
How about this? Get a job, get some responsibility, and quit being a freeloading CRUELLA!
So at this point - I no longer hold back. This is personal. I tell Jeeves he's an idiot for wanting to move in with this crazy girl, and his response is "I don't have any other choice - this is a nightmare - I don't want to". Then why??? OH - AND he tells me that she had threatened to jump out of his moving vehicle....AGAIN. AGAIN???? Oy.
Ahhhh *lip smack* mama likey.
Then he tells me about how she's ready to jump into every apartment they see. At one point he said "but this place has no laundry". A sane adult would have said "Okay we'll keep looking" or "We can just go to the laundromat" or SOMETHING. Instead - she freaks out and screams at him that she's lived without it before and they don't need it. Whoa....settle down Cruella CrazyPants.
Just a reminder....217 times!
So I have a sit-down talk with Jeeves. I said I don't ever get involved but he needs to help me understand why they are still together if he's so miserable and she's so crazy...mean. The conversation went like this
Me: "Why are you with her?"
Jeeves: "She has some good qualities"
Me: "Like what? Tell me so I understand"
Jeeves: "She puts up with my shit"
Me: "YOUR SHIT? She works part time, you drive her places when she runs out of gas, you are letting her live her - which is messing up your friendship with me, you pay for her to go out and have 21 yr old fun, you can't GO TO THE BATHROOM without her walking in...and SHE puts up with YOU?"
I proceeded to tell him that if he really wants to better a certain part of his life (which will not be printed here) - having her in the picture is going to ruin all his chances and he should understand why. I also mentioned to him "what happens what that beater car of hers breaks when you're living together? Who's co-signing? What if you get deployed...who's taking over the bills? I could see it sinking in, as Cruella called him and he picked up the phone and said "What's up baby baby?" I knew right then - he's going to bow down to her forever.
This is why.
I finally got this out of him - and now I DO understand - but he DOES need to grow a pair. He flat out said it "I'm 31....my family wants me to settle down - I don't want to do this dating bs anymore". Now I understand. I'm almost 30 - I've almost settled twice - trying to convince myself of how it "could" work. But still - they might be okay - if they just slow down. Moving in together should be a happy occasion, and they drink and fight every day now. This isn't normal. I'm trying to make him see that. And he DOES appreciate the comments. Believe me I wouldn't write about my pal unless they knew I was going to do it. And he knows. I even recorded someones reaction to the 217 calls and played it back for him. I'm not even saying they need to break up....but they way they are fighting, they need to slow down. I don't know if it's simply the age difference, or if Cruella is really just this crazy...but here's what I know. Since he has been at guards - my house has been happy and clean, no Cruella hair in the drain, no 47 beer bottles in the recycling (or bedrooms or living room), and I've been sleeping. I also know that I wish he could stay, and find either a nice girl, or get this one to calm down. Hmph. So....any advice for Jeeves, please post. He knows it's coming. Like I said - I would NEVER gripe online about personal issues of others...if it wasn't announced ahead of time. :)
Jeeves, I do this because I care....you sign a lease...you're screwed man. My advice. Give her a timeline. She gets a full time job and holds it for 6 months - flip - even 3 months!! - then see where it goes. She's got to be able to support herself first before expecting others to jump in and play the daddy role. Ouch - yeah that's right I said. Peace out brotha' *thumps chest twice - gives peace sign*
